I Never Told You
by Heartlessly Awesome
Summary: Ever wondered about the truth of Ken's and Shinou's relationship? What really happened between them four thousand years ago? Four thousand years is enough time to forget about the pain and move on... is it?


Ken was sitting by the desk in Yuuri's office. He felt a little depressed that day, November 26, a day that symbolized something important to him exactly four thousand years ago.

He sighed, struggling to continue with reading his book as his mind was filled with his thoughts, distracting him. "Murata?" said man looked up and saw that Yuuri, Conart, Wolfram, Gwendal, Gunter, and Yozak were all looking at him quite worriedly.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?" Yuuri asked. Murata gave them a small sad smile to reassure them he was alright and nodded at them. "Yeah." He replied. "It's just that… on this day, four thousand years ago, was the night before we went off to war with the originators…" He lied. Well, it wasn't completely a lie. What he said was true, but it wasn't the reason why he was feeling depressed.

"Oh, I see…" Yuuri trailed off, knowing that that must have been a hard and troubling experience for him. "Do you need some space or something?" Yuuri asked, concern clearly on his face. Ken nodded silently. "Yeah, I'm going to go back to my room for a bit." He stood up from his seat on the table and went out of the rooom.

Once he was out, he ran to the room that was saved for him whenever he would stay in the castle overnight.

When he reached his room, he shut the door, leaned on the wall, and slid down to the floor and moved into the fetal position, letting the dam he was holding in finally break.

He remembered that night so clearly. Every single detail still vividly etched in his mind.

**I miss those blue eyes**

**How you kiss me at night**

_He moaned as the beautiful blonde man touched his lips against his. His tongue peeked out of his lips, prying the soft lips of the man below him open. The blonde reached out his hand and rested it on his lover's hips. The double black moaned at the loving and lustful touch of his lover. _

"_Oh, my Daikenja." The blonde moaned, moving away from the double black's lips and proceeded to nip at his neck. The Daikenja continued to moan and writhe in pleasure at the soft touch of the blonde._

"_Shinou!" The Daikenja cried out. Shinou had just rested his palm on the lump on his pants. Shinou pressed his lips on to the Daikenja's again as he removed them both of their shirts. Once had successfully stripped themselves of their top half clothes, he moved on to the Daikenja's chest. Unlike Shinou who had been in battle wherein he received countless of scars, the Daikenja, who mostly stayed behind the scenes and only joined the battle when necessary, had a smooth, white chest. _

_He continued making little butterfly kisses on his chest and torso until he reached the waistband of his lover's pants. Just as he was about to pull them down, a hand rested on top of his, stopping him. _

_The blonde looked up at his lover, his blue eyes meeting his black ones. The Daikenja swore his heart almost stopped at the sight of the piercing blue eyes he loved so much._

"_What's wrong?" Shinou asked, his beautiful blue eyes looking worriedly at him. "Do you want to stop?" The Daikenja shook his head. "I want nothing more than to continue, my King." He said, giving Shinou a sad smile. "I actually wanted to ask you if _you _wanted to stop." Shinou gave him a reassuring smile before moving up to give his lover a kiss. "Don't worry," he said. "I'll make sure we go all the way." And before he Daikenja could say anything, Shinou immediately pulled his pants and underwear down and took his lover whole in his mouth._

_The Daikenja cried out and arched his back, pleasure filling him up as Shinou bobbed his head up and down the double black's shaft while his tongue circled the head and tickled the slit. He tangled his long, slender fingers in his lover's hair._

_Once he felt he was going to cum, he stopped Shinou from his ministrations. The blonde looked up at him, confused. "I don't want to cum just yet, my King." He said. The blonde understood what he meant. He pulled away as he stood up to remove the rest of his clothing. _

_Once he was stark naked like the Daikenja, he went on top of the double black once more and asked, "Are you ready?" The Daikenja nodded his head in reply. Shinou pressed a finger into the Daikenja's tight hole, fingering him. The Daikenja writhed in both pain and pleasure at the strange and unfamiliar sensation._

_As Shinou thought that his Daikenja was wet and loose enough, he took hold of his pulsing cock and slowly inserted it into the Daikenja's hole. The double black gasped in slight pain as Shinou stopped for a moment to let the Daikenja adjust to the new feeling. _

_When the pain subsided, the Daikenja nodded at Shinou to start moving and he complied. He pulled out until it was only the tip left inside before pushing back in with incredible force that sent both of them almost over the edge. "Shinou!" The Daikenja yelled, pleasure, pain, and shock filled his entire being as the blonde did this over and over again. _

_The sounds of lustful groaning and moans filled the room. Neither of them cared about anyone hearing them. All they cared about at the moment was the feeling of pleasure they were giving each other. _

_Shinou felt the hot, tight entrance become tighter and tighter until, "Shinou!" The Great Sage cried out as hi climaxed. Shinou did the same as he pushed in and out every time he spurted out his cum inside of him. Once they both finished, Shinou rolled over to his side as he wrapped the Daikenja in his arms, pulling him closer to him._

"_Goodnight, my Daikenja." He said. "Thank you for tonight." Before drifting off to sleep._

"_Goodnight, my King" The Daikenja replied sadly, knowing that Shinou only did this out of lust, not out of love._

**I miss the way we sleep**

_The Daikenja woke up first at dawn. He looked up to see the angelic sleeping face of his king. He teared up a bit at the thought of not telling his King how he truly felt about him._

**Like there's no sunrise**

**Like the taste of your smile**

**I miss the way we breathe**

_Shinou woke up a few moments later. He smiled at the beautiful face of the Daikenja, kissing him good morning. "Thank you again for last night. I have no way of repaying you for helping me release my stress." _

_The Daikenja forced out a smile. "Of course. I know how stressful it could be having to go into war against the originators, especially since you're the one who will lead us to victory." He felt his heart break into pieces. He wanted nothing more than to tell the blond how he truly felt._

The memory was still so painful to him. He loved Shinou, that's why he slept with him. He never told the man how he truly felt and regretted it every single day, every single lifetime for the last four thousand years.

A sudden knock was heard from his door. He sniffed and cleared his throat, wiping away his tears. "Who is it?" Ken called out. He wanted nothing more than to be alone.

"Murata? It's Yuuri. We're going to have some tea in the garden. Would you like to join us?" Ken thought about this for a bit. He knew if he didn't go with them, they would start getting suspicious.

He sighed and slightly composed himself, washing his face in the nearby basin. He opened the door and met the smiling faces of Yuuri and Conrart.

"Shall we go?" Ken asked. Yuuri nodded and walked side-by-side with him as Conrart followed behind them.

When they reached the garden, Gwendal, Wolfram, Gunter, Lady Anissina, and Lady Celi were already there waiting for them.

As they sat down, Ken asked, "Where's Greta?" Yuuri and Wolfram slightly growled, making Lady Celi chuckle as she answered for them. "She is in Lord von Rashford's home. She recently befriended the youngest son and is there playing with him.

The maids poured tea in all of their cups. Ken was having a hard time ignoring the way Yuuri and Wolfram were treating each ther. Yuuri finally confessed his love for the blonde a few weeks ago and now the two were almost inseparable, as they acted all "lovey-dovey".

He sipped his tea as Lady Anissina asked, "So, Your Eminence… Tomorrow marks the anniversary of the Great War?" Ken nodded in reply. "Yes, that is correct."

"Explains why you look so sad this morning." Lady Anissina observed. Ken could only nod, taking another sip of his tea to hold in a sob.

"You're lying." Murata almost choked as they all looked at Lady Celi. "Wha-what do you-" "I know that expression, Your Eminence. I know that expression all too well." They all continued staring at the buxom blonde, wondering what she meant.

"I had that face when each of my husbands left me; I had that face every time I was rejected by someone who I thought I loved; I saw that expression on Wolfram's face whenever His Majesty used to not spend time with him." Everyone was finally catching on to what Lady Celi was saying, except for Yuuri but everyone expected that.

"So, Your Eminence, who broke your heart four thousand years ago?" Everyone glanced back at the Great Sage who they never thought was in love before.

Murata stayed silent, unable to hold back the tears any longer as they slowly rolled down his cheeks. Lady Anissina glanced at the maids and asked them to leave them be for the time being. The maids complied, scurrying out of the area.

After he noticed the maids were gone, he whispered something.

No one heard what he said. His whisper was so soft that they didn't even hear the words come out of his mouth. They only saw his lips moving.

"What was that?" Lady Celi asked, urging him to speak up.

"… Shinou." Most of them weren't really that surprised. Well, again, except for Yuuri.

"What did he say when you told him you loved him?"

**But I never told you**

**What I should have said**

Murata shook his head. "I never told him."

**No, I never told you**

**I just held it in**

"I had the most perfect opportunity... But the moment was so beautiful, I didn't want to ruin it if he didn't feel the same way about me."

"And what was that perfect moment?" Lady Celi moved closer. She knew holding in all the pain was absolutely painful and the best medicine for this was to let it all out on someone willing to listen.

**And now I miss everything about you**

**I can't believe it, I still want you**

"I… we… He… He was feeling stressed and pressured about – about the war, and I… I helped him release it all. All of his pent-up emotions, all of his pain, I…"

"In other words, you had sex with him." Lady Celi bluntly stated. Everyone else on the table stared at Lady Celi, wondering how she could be so blunt with the young man.

"Yeah…"

**After all the things we've been through **

**I miss everything about you**

**Without you**

_The Daikenja stood and stared as he watched Shinou hold Morgif's hilt tightly and swing forward as the originators came towards him._

_After the battle, they all celebrated. The people all gathered around Shinou in great joy. The originators were finally locked away in the four forbidden boxes._

They have both been through so much together. Their ups and their downs, all the pain they've been through, he remembered every single second he spent with him for the last four thousand years. This is possibly one of the reason why Janus was so attached to Shinou.

He missed everything about him. His spiritual form is almost the same as his physical form, but the warmth of his touch isn't exactly there anymore

_I see your blue eyes_

_Every time I close mine_

"Murata, does this have anything to do with you not sleeping properly for the past few days?" Asked Yuuri. He heard from some of the maids and priestesses, and even a short message from Ulrike, saying how Murata would sometimes wake up screaming in the middle of the night and wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Some of the soldiers even said he would be walking down the halls at an ungodly hour wearing either his nightwear or his regular uniform.

Murata nodded his head. "Every time I close my eyes, I see his blue ones staring right back at me." For everyone's sake, he didn't want to admit this but, seeing Wolfram would sometimes hurt him, as he looked so much like the deceased king.

_You make it hard to see_

_Where I belong to _

_When I'm not around you_

_It's like I'm not with me_

"I honestly feel so lost without him." He sighed. "Before he met me, I was always so alone in the world. No one wanted to talk to me; they always claimed that I was 'too smart'." Everyone looked sadly at Murata. They didn't know this was how he actually felt.

In the years they've known him, he was always smiling, joking around, making strategies and giving Yuuri advice, and being a pervert. Could being a "pervert" actually just be a façade he put on to hide how he truly feels?

_But I never told you_

_What I should have said_

"If only I had the courage to tell him how I truly felt."

Little did anyone know, a certain blonde man – or spirit – was watching them from a crystal ball, his heart breaking to pieces as he watched the man he loved in pain.

"I'm so sorry, My Daikenja…" A tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away with the tip of his index finger. "I never knew that this was how you truly felt. I didn't know you returned my feelings as well." He was thankful of the fact that Ulrike wasn't here. He doesn't want anyone to see him like this.

_No, I never told you_

_I just held it in_

He was actually planning to confess after the war, but then he found out he was contaminated by some of the "leftover" originators and knew he didn't want to let the Daikenja know how he truly felt about him after finding out he was going to die soon.

_And now I miss everything about you (still you're gone)_

Murata chose to go back to the temple for the rest of the day, seeing as though he still has some things to do that could – hopefully – distract him from his painful thoughts.

As he arrived in the temple, he walked briskly to the library, not wanting anyone to see him. Once he was in the library, he made his way to the pile of books on the table that he prepared before he left.

He opened one of the books at a random page and cursed as he saw a portrait drawing of Shinou. Yes, he practically saw him on a daily basis, but today was just different. Something happened on that day four thousand years ago that made him feel like there was someone he belonged to. For once in his life, he was truly happy to be connected that way to the man he loved.

"I miss you so much, Shinou…" He cried. "Even though you're here, it's not the same because you're dead!"

_I can't believe it, I still want you (and I'm 'lovin you, I never should have walked away)_

Shinou decided to take a walk through the halls of the temple. He walked slowly past the library and suddenly heard the words from the voice that sounded like an angel to him. "I miss you so much, Shinou…" Hearing those words, he stopped in his tracks. He went to the door and hid behind it.

"… It's not the same because you're dead! He bowed his head as he heard those words with the familiar, heartbroken voice.

"I'm so sorry, My Daikenja, I shouldn't have left you…"

_After all the things we've been through (I know it's never gonna come again)_

He made a decision. One he would never regret, but is not quite sure if the results would be as good as he's hoping it to be.

He stepped into the library and walked to the double black.

Hearing footsteps coming towards him, Ken looked up just in time to have Shinou cup his cheeks, pull him up as he bent down, and pressed his lips against his.

Shinou knew this opportunity of newfound courage could possibly never come again, so he put every single ounce of love and passion into the kiss, trying to convey his feelings to him.

At first Ken stared at Shinou, wide-eyed as he pressed his lips onto his own. He was so confused. He didn't know why Shinou was doing this. Was it pity? Did he somehow find out about his unrequited love for him?

Shinou let go of Ken's cheek and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

Ken felt his heart beat ten times faster. He could feel the warmth of the hand of his beloved. Even if it was most probably out of pity, he decided to make the most out of it.

He eased into his touch and slid his arms up his hard, toned chest before putting them around his neck and tangling his fingers in his soft, blonde hair as he kissed back.

All of a sudden, Ken pulled away from Shinou. He snapped out of his lust when he realized he didn't want to act like some kind of stress ball for him again, nor did he want Shinou to take advantage of his one-sided love again.

Shocked and hurt, Shinou stared incredulously at Ken, know knowing why he was pushing him away.

"What's wrong, Ken?" Ken shook his head, tears falling out of his eyes.

"I don't want you to take advantage of my love for you. How you even know how I really feel about you beats me. I just don't want you to hurt me like you did four thousand years ago." Tears continued to flow. He didn't even bother to wipe them away anymore. He knew that until he was ready to stop, the tears would just keep on coming.

Shinou smiled sadly at him. "What if I told you that I thought _my_ love for you for the past four thousand years was unrequited?" He asked.

Ken stared at him speechlessly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Without another word, he pulled Shinou down and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

_I miss everything about you_

_Without you, whoa…_

"I love you, My King."

"As I you, My Great Sage."

**Author's Note:**

**Hey, guys! This one was a request by one of my friends, Whovian Sherlockian Potterhead, who is also an author in Fanfiction . net. Though, the both of us are best friends outside of the real world. After all, we've known each other since we were both like, nine-years-old XD**

**So anyway, hey, Dei! This is for you, Dei! I hope you have a fun time reading this toDei, Dei! I'm glad I posted this already so you would hopefully read it after our exams XD or maybe even toDei. Or tomorrow. Or the Dei after that, or the Dei after that, or the Dei after that, or the Dei after that, or the Dei after that, and so on and so forth! Or maybe you could read it every Dei!**


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